“If you knew how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” -Peace Pilgrim

I have a confession to make; I used to completely put myself down. I was my own biggest bully. Sure, there were external bullies in my life, but none as mean as I was to myself.

I was a coward. I was a pussy. I had no self confidence. I had no drive. I am so fucking proud of myself that I got to use the word “was” just now. I am no longer a coward or a pussy. I am a very confident man. How did I make such drastic changes? I stopped putting myself down.

The opening quote is one of my favourites of all time, because it is one of the greatest truths I have ever found.

My inner monologue was always thinking negatively. We’ve already discussed how important the power of positive thinking is in a previous article. It’s a recipe for personal disaster.

When I decided to make big changes in my life, the first thing that had to change was how I thought about myself and how I talked to myself. What really worked for me, was to take all the horrible things I said to myself, and pretend I was saying them to somebody I loved dearly.

I can’t put my finger on where I first heard this, but I know it was regurgitated by Jen Sincero in “You Are A Bad Ass,” for sure. I encourage you to write down five terrible things you’ve said about yourself and imagine yourself saying it to someone you love. I’ll give you an example.

STATEMENT: You are a loser, you are going to die alone. Nobody will ever love you.

I remember vividly saying this while standing in front of the bathroom mirror. I had just gotten home from a “friend date”, where I had dinner with a girl I had a crush on from my Journalism class. I was going to tell her I had feelings for her. Instead, I chickened out. I was scared of rejection and I believed it would crush me if she didn’t reciprocate. That’s a subject we will discuss for sure later.

Now I imagine myself saying that to my son. If I said that to my son and meant it, I would be the most horrible father to have ever lived. Why would anything else in that vain be different?

Would you call your best friend a fat fuck? Would you tell your brother he won’t amount to anything? Would you ridicule your mother for making a tiny little mistake? I would hope not.

Once we realize the pain that those negative thoughts and words can cause if we direct them at others, we know how much pain it is causing us when we direct them at ourselves.

We all have people we love in our lives, but we always tend to neglect loving the most important person in our life; ourselves.

Practicing self love is the best gift we can give ourselves, and it is not an act of being selfish. I used to think it was. I always connected arrogance and self-love, when in fact it is the complete opposite.

I now choose to love myself first and foremost, which then leads to me becoming a better person, which then leads to helping and showing up for others who need me. It’s a chain reaction.

Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy comically self-deprecating myself with humour from time to time, but only with things that I know won’t hurt me. I know I suck at fantasy hockey.

In fact, if I catch myself speaking negatively to myself, I immediately correct it.

I was walking my dogs a few weeks ago and I walked up a snowy hill to avoid another dog (my dogs are reactive, so it’s best to avoid other dogs on our walks when I can) and ended up slipping and falling down the hill. After I came to a stop, I muttered “what an idiot,” before immediately saying out loud “no, I’m not an idiot, I made the right choice and it all lead to me falling down the hill.” Then I laughed it off, pet my dogs and started getting excited about telling this funny story to my fiancee.

In the greater picture, the words we speak and the thoughts we have shape our reality. If you constantly say that you’re broke, you won’t attract wealth. If you constantly cuss out your metabolism, you won’t attract health.

I even believe it gets stronger and stronger than that. Have you heard of the yellow car theory? It’s actually called the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon, but YCT is cooler. Basically, you don’t notice yellow cars until you focus on looking for yellow cars. I believe that same thing happens with everything we focus on. If you don’t know anything about a disease, you won’t get it. But if you watched an episode of House MD and heard about a rare genetic disease and you later notice you have a symptom of said disease, you’ll panic. Before it was just a random bloody nose, but now it’s About-To-Die Syndrome.

If I believed wholeheartedly that the odds of winning the lottery were 1 in 5, I would win it. Since I know the odds of the lottery is slimmer than a sheet of paper, I won’t win it. Hell I won’t even play it.

I am a huge fan of affirmations, and because I know how powerful thoughts and words can be, I made sure my affirmations reflect the life I want to attract. One very crucial affirmations reads “I am so much more than the voice in my head.” It’s crucial because, even with the newfound awareness I have, that voice can still say some negative things.

So to sum up, watch the way you speak to yourself. If you say something to put yourself down, imagine yourself saying that to somebody you deeply love. Correct the language, and build yourself up. You attract what you speak into the world!