How I wish I could write a letter to myself on my 30th birthday and tell him where I am today. He would be completely shellshocked. I could tell him we have been sober for over 500 days and we have an amazing family.

This past weekend I was lucky enough to take my family to Edmonton for a small mini-vacation. My fiancee and I got my stepdaughter Ava tickets to see Hardy, Cameron Whitcomb and McCoy Moore.

We got us a small little AirBnB steps away from Rogers Place. We hit up the Boston Pizza in Whitecourt on our travels for our first big meal. Ava chose me as her extra ticket, and I don’t think we will ever hear the end of how much fun she had at the concert.

We woke up Saturday morning and headed to West Edmonton Mall. First stop was the Cinnzeo to indulge in cinnamon buns, before we started our shopping extravaganza! I’m not one to spend money on material things, so I was on Daddy Duty. It was adorable watching my five-month-old son Theo take in the sights.

We headed toward the Second Cup so I could get my favourite latte, and along the way we threw a quarter in the pond with the pirate ship. The lights of Bourbon street and the Atom hockey game at the Ice Palace were also sights on the menu.

Once mama and sissy were done with their shopping, it was off to the food court to enjoy Chick-Fil-A, a treat for Canucks like us who are just getting to experience the American fast food joint.

Finishing up our time at WEM, we went to the Sea Life Cavern to show Theo some animals he’s never seen before. I was unable to experience the entirety because my deathly adolescent fear of snakes limited me. I did conquer one fear, however, as I touched a shark. Sure, it was a tiny white-spotted bamboo shark, and yes, it took me a few tries, but after my wife-to-be explained I would look like a pussy to my son, I mustered up the courage.

For our next supper, we got to introduce our children to Olive Garden and the joy of unlimited salad and breadsticks! I’m a sucker for Italian food, even though my waistline and lactose intolerance don’t appreciate it.

Finally, we got to end our night with a visit to Castle Downs Arena to watch my best friend’s daughter Payton play hockey. My buddy Matt and his wife Rae have been close friends of mine for almost two decades. I basically watched his daughters Payton and Madison grow up, so it was really cool to introduce them to my son!

It’s funny, because throughout the visit, I didn’t take a picture with Matt. We’ve been buddies since we were 14-years-old, and if there’s more than 20 pictures of us together, I haven’t seen them. I love letting people I love hold my son while also holding their children, regardless of age. My cousin Gregory held Theo while I held his son Holden like a baby himself. Ergo, why this picture below shows me holding Madison while Theo is sitting on Rae.

Sunday morning was our day to check out of our run-down AirBnb, and we had promised Ava we would also experience another American fast food joint called Chipotle. I was the map guy, and I found that there was a location close to a Value Village and a Pro Hockey Life. So off we went with our bags in tow, only to find out the Chipotle that was in that area was also in West Edmonton Mall.

Mama thrifted, Ava played music in the car, while I wandered aimlessly, Second Cup latte in hand, looking for a reasonably priced Mattias Ekholm cream Edmonton Oilers jersey.

Over a thousand dollars spent, and I came home without anything material, but what I did come home with was hundreds of memories I will never forget.

I can get caught up in the day-to-day follies and stressed out over the bills that need to be paid, but I forget how lucky I am. I’m the luckiest man in the world.

The drive home is something I enjoyed almost as much as the entire weekend. I’m the head of this family. While everyone else in the car was sleeping, I was at the wheel exhausted, but so calm and content. These people are my life. And they trust me with their lives.

I wish I had more time to read the books I want to read. I wish I had more time to learn the songs I need to learn. I wish I had more time to watch the shows I want to watch. But in the end, if there was one thing I wish I had more time for, it would be to simply be with my family.

I guess I really found what I was yearning for over all these years. I lost my family at a young age. My father was absent for a lot of my upbringing, but I won’t be absent for my son. I lost my mother at 18, and my sister at 22.

Extended family members tried to be there for me, but no matter how close I got to uncles, aunts and cousins, it’s not the same. I now realize why quitting drinking this time around was so much easier for me.

I wasn’t drinking because I enjoyed it, I was drinking because I was coping with the fact that my family was gone and they weren’t coming back.

When my fiancee was upset with me after my family reunion because I didn’t come home the day I said I was, she said she couldn’t count on me. That was before our son was even a thought. That was all I needed to hear.

And now, I have a son, I have a daughter, and I have a partner.

I am writing this on Family Day. A stat holiday that used to mean nothing to me other than an extra day to nurse my hangover before I had to go back to work. Now, as a family man, this is a day I cherish.

We haven’t done much. Laundry has been non-stop, but the coffee was hot, we got to snuggle in bed, the dogs got walked, and a trip to Safeway was needed. But other than that, we’re just happy to be home. Together.

LETTER TO ME

Dear 30-year-old Trin,

Right now you’re sober, but you won’t be for long. Your marriage is over. You can’t come back from the infidelity. You know it’s true, but you’re worried you’ll end up dying alone. You won’t.

There’s a reason that Brad Paisley song keeps playing in your head. Listen to that bridge where he says“You got so much up ahead, you’ll make new friends, you should see your kids and wife, and I don’t mind sayin’ have no fear, these are nowhere near the best years of your life. ” Play that on repeat, because it is so true.

You’re going to go through a lot in the next three years. You’re going to take chances. You’re going to reinvent yourself. You’re going to have a lot of fun, and you’re going to accomplish so many of your goals. Make a vision board. Half of the things you put on the vision board will be true in five years.

Enjoy the ride. You’re sober now for good this time. Hell you don’t even smoke anymore. You love your job and you get paid to play music all the time.

-35-year-old Trin