Level Up For Your Spouse
My fiancée is my favourite person, and I am not saying this just to gain brownie points. I fell head over heels in love with her so quickly. She’s funny, quirky, smart, strong, sweet, and I have to pinch myself sometimes. How did I score such an amazing person?
I knew I hit the jackpot with her, and when I asked myself if she could do better than me and I said yes, I didn’t get upset. Instead I challenged myself to become that man. The man she deserved.
We met when we were 19, but didn’t date until we were in our 30’s. We both had gotten out of long-term relationships, and only a chance encounter led to us dating. She was curious about online dating while I was on all of the apps. She made a profile on Facebook dating and never paid attention to it when I happened to scroll past her. That beautiful woman was single again?
At the time of our first date, I was back living with my Dad, and I didn’t have a job. I was a full-time musician. I was also drinking a lot. I didn’t have a dollar to my name.
With every passing day spent together, I started levelling up. I had to.
She had her life together. She was a mom. She owned a home. She had four animals in the house. If I was gonna be a part of this life, I had to level up. I was about to be thrust into a life as a step-parent, a pet owner, a home-owner.
It wasn’t overnight, but little by little I started building myself into the man I am today. I took pride in splitting the household chores. I love walking the dogs, mowing the yard, fixing the gate, shoveling the driveway.
I quit drinking. I quit smoking. I got a great day job.
Now I’m a sober man. I’m a father. I’m a fiance. I’m content, but fuck if I’m gonna stop there.
I spend every day working on how to become a better man. I am adding skills. I am seeking knowledge. I am reading more. I am getting outside more. I am being a great example, and I am proud of myself.
My step daughter came home one day talking about the new school project she had to do, where she had to do a presentation about their hero or role model. She did the project on me. Yeah, I cried when she told me.
It’s just strange to me when I hear people complain about their spouses. Don’t get me wrong, my fiancee has a list of things that I do that drive her crazy and vice versa, but we have mutual love and respect for one another.
I had a friend mock me when I was talking about the birth of our son. I was praising her and called her a rockstar for how well she did during that difficult experience. My buddy said “you know she can’t hear you right, you don’t have to praise her.” It kind of pissed me off. She pushed an almost nine pound baby through her vagina and I am not supposed to praise that? Get fucked.
Not saying I’m a love guru or anything, but I have seen both ends of the spectrum. I was married once before, and I never wanted to be better for my ex-wife, and she didn’t want to be better for me.
Maybe that’s the secret to love? Ask yourself if you want to be better for that person, and if the answer is no, then you should rethink your relationship.
My ex-wife once brought a question to me she saw somewhere on the internet and she came in with a particular attitude. She asked me “imagine you have a daughter and she brings a guy home just like you…did you smile? If not, then change.” Fair point. I did smile though. She did not appreciate that…Should have known then that this wasn’t the relationship I should settle for.
WHAT I’M LISTENING TO
My step daughter and I play music trivia games on YouTube quite often. It helps me find songs I have forgotten about. One of her rules is that we can’t do Country music quizzes because it is not a fair fight. Gimme half a second and I can name pretty much any country song up until 2010.
But the other day, she thought it would be fun to do just country songs from the past year. It was horrible. In my opinion, the state of what they now call “country music” is in the shitter. Zach Bryan can get fucked. Kane Brown, Morgan Wallen, Teddy Swims???? Everything sounds the same and has no context. Ruined what country music used to be. Country music used to be about life.
So lately I’ve been going ham on my own playlist that I dubbed “Trin’s Favourite Songs.”
Trent Tomlinson is the most underrated artist ever. He had hits like “Drunker Than Me”, “Just Might Have Her Radio On”, and “One Wing In The Fire.” My favourite song of his is probably “That’s How It Still Oughta Be,” where the narrator thinks of how life used to be and how it was so much better. Fights without guns and knives, sitting at the table having dinner without the TV, being kind to your neighbour, awe man, what a world. I miss it.
My fiancee and I bought a case of CD’s from her mom when we bought our new used car. I was so psyched because one of the albums was Collin Raye’s greatest hits. “Love, Me” is just beautiful and reminds me of what a great country song used to be.
“What The Heart Wants” is an absolute banger, and I will always have a soft spot for “Little Rock,” being an alcoholic in recovery.
WHAT I’M READING
Jen Sincero is my hero and mentor. “You Are A Bad Ass” is hands down my favourite book of all time, and I have probably read/listened to it over 50 times.
Anytime I feel like I am in a funk, or find myself experiencing any semblance of self-doubt, I pick it up again. I’m extremely lucky to be able to listen to audiobooks at work while putzing around, so I have it at the ready.
If I see it in a thrift store, I always buy it. I already have my own physical copy, but I love to hand it out to others. Like the meme below (it will change your life) I believe it is absolutely life changing.
I also buy copies to put in various little libraries around my city. If you don’t have those, check out the website to learn more. There are four little libraries in the vicinity of where I walk my dogs, and I love to go around and check if anybody has picked them up. I write notes in them, so if you happen to have picked up a copy in Grande Prairie, you are welcome.
Sincero just has a way of making the reader enjoy the process. She seems so real, and now that I have her voice in my head, every new book she brings out I get to read it in her cadence.
FINAL THOUGHTS
With the holidays coming up, I am reminded how grateful I am for all the amazing things I have in life. I also know that others are not near as fortunate.
I dream of the day I can do so much more good for the world when I am more financially well off. Money and love are energy. The more love I have for myself, the more wealth I will create.
So if you are more fortunate, I challenge you to do some good deeds for others. You never know how much a simple random act of kindness can change somebody’s life. Buy a stranger coffee next time you’re in the drive thru. Shovel your neighbors’ driveway. Buy Christmas presents for families with children that can’t afford it. Tell somebody how much they mean to you. Smile at everyone you pass. Have a conversation with the old lady walking her dog.
To quote a great song by Chuck Wicks “If We Loved”, written by Jason Sellers and Patrick Jason Matthews.
You can’t imagine all the mountains we’d move if we loved
If we loved a little harder
Leave a Reply