I became a mom to my daughter at 21. From then onwards, it felt like I had to move through life at warp speed. Always in motion, always accomplishing something, always doing better.

Every day was a mad scramble to make it through the self designated to-do list that I felt obligated to complete. Every move I made focused on getting me to the next step, or next task that I felt I had to get done. Chores, errands, workouts, child-related tasks… it never ended.

So much of my self worth revolved around having everything done just so, as I felt it should be. Really, I was just trying to accomplish whatever I thought a “good” mom would.

The thing about always being focused on the next task, though, is that it makes it very difficult to truly appreciate the parts of life that make it memorable.

Looking back, I wish that I’d been able to appreciate more of the small moments in my life without stressing about what else I should be doing. I certainly could not tell you which chores I got done on any given week, or how many calories I burned working out on a specific date. Why was so much of my focus and energy invested in those things?

Older people always tell you that time goes by too quickly and to appreciate life’s little moments more, and younger people always nod along like they understand, carrying on at top speed nonetheless. It’s something most humans will be told at some at some point or another,  and yet it’s next to impossible to actually comprehend until you get older and experience first hand how fleeting time is. 

It truly does seem like yesterday that I was holding my toddler’s hand as we ventured to the park, with her little face looking up at me like I was her entire world. Now, somehow, she’s a teen who usually wants to spend time with her friends instead of her “old” mom. And, I’d better not dare try to hold her hand. How uncool and embarrassing of me!

It’s been quite an experience becoming a mother again to my sweet little son at 34, particularly because I would never have predicted that I would end up in a place in life where I wanted more children.

Of course, a lot of my life circumstances are different now than they were at 21, but it’s me as a person who’s really changed the most. While I certainly can still use regular reminders to slow down and tend to be a perfectionist when it comes to household tasks, I’ve come a long way. 

It’s such an interesting contrast to how motherhood felt the first time around. Calmer, slower and certainly less anxiety provoking. It’s a lot easier to make it through a sleep regression or to breathe through a crying spell when you know firsthand how quickly this stage will pass you by. And how much you’ll miss it someday. 

When life feels too fast and chaotic, or I’m stressing about something trivial, I like to ask myself one simple question. “Am I going to remember this on my deathbed?”

A bit morbid for some, I’m sure, but it really helps me keep perspective and has since my college days. That was back when getting perfect grades seemed of the utmost importance.

I’m never going to remember the times the dishes weren’t done right away, or the weeks I didn’t get in as many workouts as I felt I should have. Just like I definitely couldn’t tell you what I got on the economics final exam that once felt so paramount in my life.

I will, however, remember my son’s sweet face as I let him nap in my arms, and his gummy grins when he wakes up there and realizes that his mom is still there. He’ll sleep on his own one day, but I’ll never be able to go back and get these sweet, snuggly moments back.

You really do remember what you focus on, and I wish I had focused more on the important things with my daughter; the moments that seemed so small and inconsequential at the time.

Of course it’s important to work hard to get where you want to be, but don’t forget to breathe in the little moments too.

Appreciate them with your whole heart, because  you’ll wish more than anything to have them back someday.

Memorize your baby’s sweet face as they nap on you, your toddler’s giggles as you tickle their feet, and the eye roll your teen gives you as you make a cheesy joke.

It’s those small things that end up being the most cherished and impactful memories one day. They’re your “deathbed memories”, the ones that really matter in the end. Those moments don’t wait for the chores to be done perfectly or for anything else. So slow down and drink them all in.

You won’t regret it.