A phrase I tend to use quite often is the comical “If you’re not first, you’re last” quip from the movie Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. Yes, the movie is a comedy not meant to be taken seriously, but the mentality of never settling for second place is great for winners.

Winning is amazing. You want to be a winner, because nobody wants to be a loser. Those who strive to be the best need that mentality. Settling for anything less than the holy grail is a terrific motivator, but let’s tap the brakes a bit on that statement.

In the end of every race, you will have one winner of said race, and the rest are not winners. Does that mean everybody competing is less than because their result wasn’t first place? Well, that depends on what you define as success.

That’s why I think it’s a good balance to maintain the want to win, and the acknowledgement of improvement.

Let’s use a running race as an example. 100 participants. Only one person can finish first. Second and third place also receive medals of Silver and Bronze. Technically we can call the top three the winners, so that means there were 97 losers. But I believe every single participant can be considered a winner.

Now, I’m not saying participation trophies should be as rewarding as a gold medal, what I’m saying is that they are worth being celebrated. The guy who places 14th is also the guy who finished 84th the previous race. Would you consider that type of improvement as insignificant?? The person who placed 54th had never run a race before and still finished higher than 46 others. That’s worth celebrating.

The end goal should always be to be the best, but even before that it should be to become the best you can be every time you step up to the plate.

I remember when I was working out an Orange Theory, we had a nationwide “Fastest Mile” competition. No training whatsoever. But I ran that mile in 6:05 and that was good enough to finish 2nd in all of Alberta and 4th in all of Canada in my age group. Now that is something I am very proud of, but at the time I was upset because the guy who won my age group did it a full minute and five seconds faster than me.

I believe we are all guilty of looking over at the people who have bested us instead of being proud of ourselves for the attempt. I would love to think about how much more successful we would be individually if we didn’t constantly compare ourselves to others.

You wouldn’t be upset at yourself if you lost a fight to Mike Tyson as an amateur boxer would you? You wouldn’t be upset if you lost a skating race to Connor McDavid would you? You wouldn’t be upset at yourself if you lost a singing competition to Kelly Clarkson would you?

Then why do we berate ourselves for not reaching the top of the mountain so early on in our goals? It’s because we see the winners as so far ahead of us that we tend to give up before we really get integrated.

It’s a very important lesson to learn that we should only be competing with ourselves. We should always strive to better ourselves every single day.

I recently decided to take up Yoga. My fiancee does Yoga over three times a week, and she has done that for over 20 years. I do Yoga once a week at best, and I’m brand new. She’s very flexible and has extremely consistent form. I struggle to accomplish even some of the most basic poses. Should I quit doing Yoga because I’m not as good as her? Hell no. I should just be comparing myself to myself from the last session. Every session I complete I improve, and as long as I keep it up, I’m going to get to the point where even my form is perfect and I can do more complex poses.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” -Theodore Roosevelt

In today’s society, it’s impossible to not be bombarded with the lives of others who we might deem as more well off. Social media has given us direct access to our peers’ lives, and it’s flooded with accomplishments and self-complimentary posts.

When you’re struggling to pay the bills and you see your old acquaintance Betty just bought herself a new Mercedes, you can easily connect those two dots and call yourself a failure. What you don’t know is that Betty got extremely lucky and won $75,000 playing the lottery, while you’ve earned every penny you have. You’re not a failure, you just didn’t get a particular lucky break.

You might be putting in all the extra hours at your job, and then you see Travis got promoted over you and you think life isn’t fair. What you don’t know is that while you’ve been putting in an extra ten hours of work per week, Travis was putting thirty extra hours of work per week, so he did deserve the promotion over you. Just because Travis went harder than you doesn’t mean your extra work wasn’t noticed. It just wasn’t noticed as much in comparison, but you still did all that extra hustle. Plus Travis is a single man while you have a family. Different strokes for different folks.

You can’t control what others do. If you’re in a competition with judges, you don’t control what the judges think. You only control your end of the bargain. And as long as you’re doing your best, you’ve done all that you can do. The only way that becomes a waste is if you rest on your laurels.

You’re not going to be Gordon Ramsay the first time to attempt to make a chic meal for your family. But if you work at it and improve incrementally, you could be considered the best home chef your household has ever seen in due time.

You’re not going to be James Patterson the first time you write a novel. But if you work hard at it, you can be a published writer, and after writing 17 drafts, you may finally write your first ever best seller.

What I’m trying to drive home here is that you can do anything you set your mind to, but don’t get discouraged when it takes time. You’re gonna finish last sometimes. But you have to start somewhere, and as long as the only opponent you defeat is yourself from the time or attempt before, then you will be a winner.