NOTE: First of all, I want to thank everybody that has given me feedback on my “Back In Therapy” series. Sometimes I feel like this blog is not worth the time I put into it, but your kind words have encouraged me to keep going. From the beginning of this journey I have stated that if telling my story makes it easier for others to speak openly about their struggles, I will consider this a huge success.

NOTE: Also, based on analytical research, articles will now be releasing on Mondays and Thursdays, ending the previously titled WWC’s (Weekly Wednesday Columns). Monday articles will be more generalized and focus on topics I believe I can teach, while Thursday articles will be more personalized about something new that I have learned. Teaching and learning has become a huge part of the Nobody Is Gonna Save You brand!

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle,” -Ian MacLaren, Scottish author

I had an amazing breakthrough in my latest therapy session. I was talking about my job and how I was easily getting frustrated. I was spiralling and rambling on and on, and while I was able to calm myself with some of the emotional regulation techniques I have been given from my therapist, I still found myself struggling.

I honed in on how I didn’t respect some co-workers and how I didn’t respect my boss. Then, my therapist hit me with the quote that started this article off. It hit me harder because I was already familiar with this quote.

I only know what is going on in the workplace to a certain extent. I do not know, however, what else could be going on in their lives.

It was a moment where I realized I wasn’t a victim in this scenario, I was a villain. For somebody like myself who prides on being a strong advocate for helping others and being kind, it was a gut punch to realize I am doing the complete opposite. That’s not me. That’s not the kind of man I want to be.

We live in a world where social media has clouded our realities. Very rarely do people post the struggles they are going through, instead posting the highest of their highs. I don’t think it’s much of a stretch to believe a lot of people do that as a coping mechanism.

I am guilty of it myself. In some of my darkest times, I didn’t want to burden others or have others worry about me. And if you read the depression series, you know that I was basically kind of trying to slowly kill myself. However, on the surface, it looked like I was the happiest I’d ever been. Of course, other than the attention-seeking-vague-drunk-facebook-post.

But most of us hide our biggest fights. We suffer in silence. We take the happy photos. We make jokes about serious situations.

The reason I believe it’s important to be beautiful people is because your small tiny interactions with others can have more of an impact than you think. You could yell at a fast food worker because they made a tiny mistake, not knowing that that person is being abused by their parents at home. You could also compliment the fast food worker on their work ethic and put a smile on their face instead.

I discussed in a previous article how I try to go out of my way when I’m in public to make somebody smile. The reason I do that is because I once heard a story about somebody who survived a suicide attempt. The person said if just one person had smiled at them in the hours before the attempt, they wouldn’t have made that decision. How heartbreaking is that?

There are women who are called sluts because of hearsay. Trust me, as a man who has been around “locker room culture”, I can guarantee we’ve made comments about women we knew nothing about. Sadly, a lot of people that are known as being promiscuous were victims of sexual abuse. That’s how they learned to cope.

Former NHL player Theoren Fleury had a reputation for being a locker room cancer and a liability despite his impactful talent. In his book “Playing With Fire” he opened up about how he was brutally sexually assaulted by his junior hockey coach Graham James, and how that lead to a life of alcoholism and reckless abandon.

There’s a heartbreaking story about an opposing player calling Fleury awful slurs leading to him breaking down crying on the ice to an official after he was attempting to get sober. He was just fighting a battle nobody knew anything about.

I’ve been judged for so many things throughout my life. Judged for being fat and useless when I was severely depressed from grief. Judged for being childish when I was just trying to have fun. Judged for being reckless when I just wanted the pain to stop.

I’ve also judged others for things I shouldn’t have. I judged girls for sleeping with others guys when I couldn’t get laid. I judged rich people for having it so easy, when they had to likely work their asses off to get where they are. I judged friends for being flaky when they had a lot on their plates.

I know I can be better, but we all can be better humans too.

When I was wondering how to sum this article up, a song kept getting stuck in my head. A huge number one hit from 1998 by Mark Wills titled “Don’t Laugh At Me” written by Steve Seskin and James Shamblin.

I remember being a little kid (I was 8 years old when this song came out…my word am I ever getting up there), and the music video hit me so hard. The image of an old man eating out of a garbage can that I thought was gross, only to be taught by my mother that the man was homeless and starving.

The lyrics tell the story that the homeless man is where he is because he lost his wife and little boy in a car accident, and how after they died, he lost his mind. How many people walk past people like that every day and judge them??? The numbers are likely staggering.

And like the song says in it’s bridge “I’m fat, I’m thin, I’m short, I’m tall, I’m deaf, I’m blind, hey aren’t we all?“

So before you judge others, just remember that we don’t know their whole story. And it costs absolutely nothing…not money…not time..nothing, it costs absolutely nothing to be kind.