“It is better to be hated for what you are than be loved for what you are not.” -Andre Gide, French Author.

I had a very interesting moment the other day that inspired this article. While I was out for dinner with my cousins, the waitress we had was talking about how one of her tables was a hockey team. The team was Junior B so it was a bunch of under 20-year-olds and  she was surprised how polite and well behaved they were. 

I made a joke about how they were too into the tv show Heated Rivalry. This led to a conversation about homophobia and serial killers. 

For context, Heated Rivalry is a tv show about two closeted gay hockey superstars. The waitress brought up the tv show Monster, specifically Ed Gein and The Menendez Brothers. 

After she left to tend to her other tables, my cousins made note that they had no clue what we were talking about. The topics discussed weren’t things they were interested in.  

That’s when it hit me. I was truly comfortable being my pure self in front of them. That was very new. 

23-year-old me would’ve hidden the fact that I enjoyed tv shows and true crime so much. Let alone that I was a big fan of a show about gay hockey players. But I didn’t care at all if they thought they was weird. 

We put too much thought into what our peers and strangers think of us. In fact, we often maximize what others think of us in our own minds. 

The reality is, people, even friends and family, have enough if their own lives to worry about to think about us as much as we think. 

I’m a lot for some people. I’m okay with that now. 

I’m loud. I’m awkward. I zone out in conversations that don’t interest me. I have selective hearing. That’s just me.

Speaking of Heated Rivalry (Spoiler alert), the character of Shane Hollander is a great example of somebody not truly being himself. While his sexuality isn’t a defining aspect of his personality, the fact that because he is in the public eye as a professional hockey superstar, he can’t be out as an openly gay person.

At one point, Hollander dates a female movie star who eventually deduces that he is gay. He had to pretend to be straight because he was scared to truly be himself as a gay man.

Luckily in society we have come a long way when it comes to homosexuality, and I can only imagine how hard it must be to be closeted.

I love the opening quote to this article so much because of how powerful it is. The first time I heard the concept was in a country song by Van Zant called “Help Somebody.”

I used to try so hard to be more of what I would call a “guy’s guy”. Truth be told, I don’t give a fuck about cars and engines. I love romantic comedies. I have no issues being vulnerable. But I would hide who I was truly a lot of time.

Funnily enough, people in my life would call me gay because I loved artsy stuff more than “tough guy” stuff. One time I was talking about how much I loved the TV Show New Girl, and people were commenting that I should check out Ice Road Truckers. Way cool bro!

We only get one life, why should we spend it being something other than ourselves?

You can be a world class boxer and still tend to pigeons as a hobby. You can be an iconic horror movie director, dubbed “the master of suspense” and be an avid bird watcher. You can be a beautiful A-List movie star and fix classic cars on the side.

Mike Tyson, Wes Craven and Sydney Sweeney are those three examples.

I work as a plasma operator currently, a very blue collar job. I take pride in my work and I am quite mechanically inclined when it comes to all of my work day duties. The contrast that I work that job and can be found in the lunch room reading a book about mindfulness is quite head-turning to my co-workers.

Hell, my boss once made a joke that I can’t read, and I snapped back at him saying “Dude, I have a Journalism degree and I read about 10 books per year.” Hey I don’t have a problem with workplace fodder and jokes, but when you’re that far off base imma say something.

I love it when I see somebody openly expressing something they love to do that others think is strange. An old friend of mine dresses up in fake armour and fights others “Lord of the Rings style” while calling them by wizard names. I don’t understand it, but all the power to him.

One of my best friends is a heavy duty mechanic who is obsessed with Magic The Gathering cards.

I know women who could be modelling for Victoria’s Secret who drive semi trucks in the oilfield.

We are all so unique, and we should all embrace that. We’re beautiful. We’re strong. We’re fierce. We’re one-of-a-kind. If you fit into only one box, that’s when you should check yourself.

It’s not only important to be yourself, you also gotta love yourself. My girl Jen Sincero ends almost ever chapter in You Are A Bad Ass with a heading that says “Love Yourself.” Here are all the examples she gives;

• Because it’s the Holy Grail of happiness
• No matter what anyone else thinks
• Like you’re the only you there is
• Unless you have a better idea
• And the bluebirds of happiness will be your permanent backup singers
• And everybody benefits
• Be grateful for all you are and all that you’re becoming
• You deserve it
• And life becomes a party
• More than you love your drama
• Right now, wherever you’re at
• You’re doing an awesome job
• And you will be invicible
• Fiercely, loyally, unapologetically
• While you’ve still got the chance
• You can do anything
• And you will have it all
• And the Motherlode shall bestow her magic upon you
• With a kung fu grip
• You are a bad ass